A long 2 days 11:53 17th November

Well, its been a couple a days since ive posted, a rough couple of day but ive made it through it and ill make it through the next bad days.


I bit the bullet on Monday and put my pride to the side for a minute, ive been toying with the idea of talking to my doctror about me getting a self proppelled wheelchair so that i can go shopping with the wife without leaving myself in agony.

Iwent to tes os with suzie on monday afternoon, i waited a while in the car ater she went in as there'd be no chance of me walking round the shop without doubling over in pain. I didnt make the decision lightly but i used one of the free wheelchairs tescos provide. all i can say is wow, what a difference it made to my shopping experience (how sad has this left me where im getting excited about my tescos experience) I was in a lot of pain anyway but if id a trapesed round tescos id be in worse shape now.

So when i got home from tescos i phoned my doctor to see if i could find out how to go about applying for one. Now i have to wait as the lovely receptionist took my details and will get my GP to pass them to occupatioanl therapy.

I know that the quality of wheelchair the NHS will give will be a bog standard and probaby not that lightweight so that it can be taken in the car with ease so Ive asked my wee cousin if he could lend me one of his till i can afford to buy a new one.

He's in London at the minute doing interviews (hes goni be famous) and my aunt has told me she will get him to giver me a shout if he can help, heres hoping.

Since the cat feeding incident on sunday night ive had severe pains down the left hand side, as i said before my pain usually radiates down the righ hand side but is prone to change to the right leg at any time or both legs at the same time.

But i got a wee trip out yesterday, a good friend of mine lifted me and took me down for a couple of pints, They went down very well (as they always do) Cheers Andrew

Thats me for now, the wifes going to help me outa bed here and dress me. So i cant keep her waiting

Morning glory 12:26 15th Nov

More like morning gory, watching sun sea and a&e on bravo, gross.
Well the sleeping tablets didn help much, had a few mental half sleeping half wake dreams. I heard sumone unlock the front door, walk up the stairs an walkin bout the house but I cudn move a muscle. Dnt kno if it was aliens of I was dreaming. Had a few full dreams that if I told u u'd think I was mad (madder than u already do) only started having themthe last week due to a change in mood meds.
Had te wake Suzie at 6 to get Maya cereal. 6 in the f***ing morning she wanted something te eat. This froma girl who sleeps te 1 in the afternoon.
I woke Again at 10 in pure agony, cudn get out a bed te get a painkiller an didn't wani wake Suzie as she got very little sleep too. I managed to get a tablet bout 11 after lying in agony for an hour. I always seem to leav the painkillers just out of my reach at nite. It's more to make sure the wane doesnt get at them. I doubt she could take 80mg if oxycontin without dying or being really sick, so if I have to bs in pain to stop my wane getting sick I'll take the pain.
Wen Suzie did get mr the tablet it was a waiting game, theyre slow release so it takes bout 20 mins to start working. It's the longest part of my day.
If we have plans I'll usually set my alrm an hour before I have to get up.

My Condiditon: 12:45 Monday 15th Nov

A little background on me.

Ive had a bad back for the last 7 odd years, awe i know what your thinking. He's putting it on, its not that bad. blah blah blah.
well it is that bad, im in agony 24hrs a day, i take a feed of tablets daily that would choke a donkey.

I had to give up work because of the pain and in the last 2 1/2 yrs due to a condition i was born with "congenital spinal stenosis" and two herniated discs. this left me needing 2 major spinal ops and numerous other procedures. the last op was last november in which i had spinal fusion of L4/L5, it was meant to be L5/S1 but they had already fused naturally.
Nothing seems to help with the pain and it causing me to suffer depression, ive had a few knocks in the last few years but tried not to let the grind me down. its jusst the sheer frustration of not being able to provide for my  family, before this the longest i was ever out of work since i was 18 was about 4 months and it was the only time without employment.

 Everything building up has left me worse off pain wise as I try to do more and more to help my wife it leaves me in more and more agony. I do things that I cant and shouldnt be doing like lifting the baby if she falls or cries. obviously its sore at the time but 10mins later or when the horse tablets wear off a bit i'm completly immobilised .

So thats a bit about my condition and the reason im writing this is for me to get a grip with my condition and try to figure out what caises it to increase or decrease in pain.


Had a bad day yesterday and cant sleep with the pain , took 20mg of temazepam to see if it hekp me get to sleep, the usual for me.

Stupidly I got down to fill the cats bowls in the evening and nearly collapsed in pain. I know i shouldnt be doing it but i feel bad not being able to do things for Suzie rond the house,  Its always small things that I do that cause me pain. I just do it before thinking, i do it out of guilt that Suzie is left to do everything round the house. it just means now ill not be able to get up at all tomorrow.


Ill leave it at thet as i feel a bit drowsy from the meds so good nite and check back soon. i mite not be too interesting but 1 thing u'll get from reading my blog is the fact theres someone feeling worse than urself

nite nite